I hate Valentine’s Day. There I said it. I promise its not because to this day I have only ever received 2 Valentine’s cards. (but big shout out to those 2!) Its maybe a little to do with the over pricing of everything related to love. But then again that happens all the time. (Wedding stuff anyone?)
The real reason I hate Valentine’s day is that it buys into the ridiculous notion that we are nothing if we are not attached to other human. That we are one half of a whole, waiting to ‘power up’ when we find that missing piece of ourselves.
Family asking when you are going to settle down. Married work colleagues asking if you’ve met ‘Mr or Mrs right’ yet. Fertility treatment is only available to couples, no matter how much of a strong support network you have behind you (I know. I’ve been refused). We’ve all seen the pitying look on faces of acquaintances that you meet on the street when they find out that you are single – or more accurately when you answer ‘no’ to the question ‘are you seeing anyone/married/living with someone’.
I know what you are thinking. I am just bitter about those 2 cards and I hate being single. Well no. I really enjoyed being single, I enjoy the control I have with what I’m going to do, watch, eat etc. I feel that the society’s need for people to be in relationships is dangerous. People settle. Sometimes they just settle for a shitty no mark relationship that does nothing for them. But more seriously sometimes they settle for a controlling or abusive relationship and their partner uses the coercive control of the ideals of relationships or the stigmatism of being alone as a weapon. ‘You’ll never survive without me’ or ‘you’ll never get anyone else’ being standard fall backs in the piece of shit handbook.
The most dangerous place for a woman to be is in her home with her partner. She’s more likely to be killed or assaulted by a partner than a stranger. February the 14th is a day where everyone forgets this. It’s a day where you can show the world what a good partner you are with a card and a bunch of roses. It doesn’t matter if you are thoughtless, lazy or even an angry partner 364 days of the year. Good old St Valentine has your back. A gushy Facebook post. A bunch of flowers sent to their work (make sure lots of people see it or it doesn’t count huh?)
Lets be clear though. I don’t hate relationships. I don’t hate people that are in relationships. I hate that my friend just told me that sometimes he feels guilty because he’s not in one. I hate when someone I love put up with an abusive behaviour because ‘I love him’ and ‘I don’t have anywhere else to go’ or my absolute personal favourite ‘I don’t know who I am without him’. I love the happiness and comfort that having a partner brings. I love that they know what to do to make me smile and they know what to do when I can’t. All I’m saying is one day doesn’t change that.
Happy Wednesday everyone! I hope you love yourself as much as you should, every single day!